THE INK VEIN

As a man thinks in his heart

So is he.

How true is that,

How simple,

How profound.

The image of yourself in your heart

Affects decisions made,

And there actions abound.

Steeped in negativity,

Masking itself as humility,

Poisoning my actions, attitude and relationships,

Was my image of myself.

Bold yet subtle,

With my mind in a muddle,

These images I believed,

But the truth was

I was bound,

And gagged.

All the while just “knowing”

This was the only choice I had.

Fear of the loss of happiness gained

Was the lock on this cell of my prison.

I feared freedom more than jail.

Change always comes,

Though its pace may be sometimes slow as a snail.

Be patient with me,

Be patient you see,

Because I’m still getting used to freedom.

Herein do I write the words that I lack the eloquence to say aloud.

Herein do I place the thoughts that have taken root in the mind’s ground.

Herein do express the feelings,  some unrealistic, but at one time true.

Herein do I create fiction, not to always be taken seriously by you.

Herein do I bend reality and twist words to my purpose.

To a wordsmith words are tools that serve us.

Herein do I say things that no one else needs to know.

Herein do I take you places that no one else gets to go.

Here, in a place where time does not exist,

I create verbal images and induce feelings,

I let go and take risks.

Here between Paper, Pen, Mind and Wrist,

Herein is where part of the true me exists.

This as hard as it was before.

No, I’m wrong,

It’s definitely more.

This time I see the truth,

The anger that was my roof

The fear that was my support beams

The silence that was my walls

The house I built to defend myself.

God called its bluff,

And it’s false,

Only the foundation was true,

The foundation stayed,

The foundation brought me to you.

But since the cat’s out of the bag,

I have no place to hide,

I left the false house I built,

And there’s a storm outside.

I thought I knew what fear was

When I was safe behind my constructs.

But real fear

Is seeing something you desire with all your heart,

Having it so near,

And knowing you might not get it,

Not even the chance,

No amount of tears could sate that,

No amount of time would let you dance

Through that memory,

Now a reality you once had the power to change.

That’s real fear

And that’s real pain.

So I ask you a favor,

Like the 300 before they passed,

Before their lives ended,

Before they gave their last.

Remember Us,

The good and the bad,

Remember Us,

Happy or sad,

Remember Us

And know what it could be

Know that I was blind before,

But now I see.

I see the future

And have let go of the past.

Memories no longer hold me prisoner,

I pursue something that could last.

And when these days are done

And the process is through,

When this is all over

I’ll come back and find you.

Tonight I shed tears,

For a love lost,

For progress gained,

For disaster averted,

For lives changed.

I love the results

Though the process is hard.

I love You Lord

Even with all the scars

That the narrow path leaves.

Much better growth and progress,

All paths Your eyes see.

No matter which one You take me on,

No matter which one I go down

No matter where I end up,

Your destination is best.

I abide by Your ways

And go by Your plan,

I know what must be done.

I am Your man.

Tonight my heart hurts

For the love I can’t have,

For the woman I must give up,

For the fact I took the wrong path.

It cost me and put her through a lot,

I wish I could tell her I love her,

And because I do

I will leave her

And follow You.

Tonight there are tears,

And I feel much pain,

Tomorrow there will be joy

A rainbow after the rain.